Being at home all the time with little adult time can get very lonely and stressful. Sometimes I just want someone to talk to but, most people are at work. I miss adult interaction and everyday chit chat you have at a public job, I feel so isolated.
It definitely causes friction in marriage when one spouse is with kids 24/7 and one gets to go to work and see adults and chit chat and have that independence. Yes I admit I get jealous because my husband gets to go to work. Most spouses don't realize that the spouse staying home doesn't get a break ever and we do sometimes feel like we are no longer independent and have lost our freedom.
When we chose to stay at home we also chose to become fully financially dependent on the other spouse which can cause us to feel like we aren't as productive in the marriage. This doesn't mean we don't enjoy the time we have with the kids or regret our decision, it just means we need a little reassurance that our spouses view us as a partner and equal even though we may not be the bread winner.
One of the biggest things working spouses do to hurt a stay at home parent is the "well I work" response to anything. Yes you work and bring home a paycheck while the stay at home spouse also works at home. We do not sit around drinking lattes and painting our toes all day. Being a stahm is the hardest job I have had, there are no breaks or a lunch hour ( we are lucky to use the bathroom alone).
My husband comes home tired from work and I always ask how was your day (see I'm wanting to hear about any adult life) usually all I get is "ok" and he always asks "what'd you do today?" My answer is always "cleaned and watched kids " when in reality I've done so much more that seems to go unnoticed.
For example today as a stahm I have washed 3 loads of clothes, cooked all the meals which caused two loads of dishes,changed diapers, unclogged the toilet atleast twice (I still have no clue what they flushed), have been an on call milk machine, refereed fights, cleaned up just about anything liquid that could be spilled (yep that includes when one peed in the floor), scrubbed my favorite make up off the white wall, went to the grocery store ( try taking an octopus through the cereal isle), I attempted to clean the kitchen while they destroyed the living room, then I tried to clean the living room but it's all back in the floor now, I sat down maybe twice and both times were attacked by little ninjas of death, I picked up the garbage that was knocked over, clean some already chewed food off the carpet,ran around gathering all the cold food the littlest drug out of the fridge (maybe I got it all) ,one fell, one wanted their nails painted, none of them wanted to sleep, I drank more coffee than I should, nope i didn't shower sorry honey but no time. So when you come home it may not look that different but I assure you I have worked my butt off (mainly with only one available arm) and I'm just happy we all made it through another day!
I say all this and you may think I'm complaining but I'm not I do love staying home with my children (even though I also plan ways to escape ;) ) if you ever think staying at home is easy or a break from work your spouse would love it if you stayed home with the kids all day. We need breaks to.
Do I expect an award nope all I want is a little understanding when you think I'm acting crazy or I'm to stressed. Don't forget when your the working spouse your probably the only adult interaction the stay at home spouse gets most days and they are going to want to talk.
We know you work hard and we are not trying to down play that. We just want understanding. When you ask " why didn't you clean that?" Truth is we probably already have a couple of times.
We love our kids and wouldn't trade our time with them but it is stressful.
It's also the most rewarding job possible!
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