Socially unsocial?

Have you ever sat down and thought about technology and what it's doing to our social lives? How many times have you passed up playing with your kids for Facebook,Pinterest or even the Xbox? I have been guilty of this more than I care to admit. How many Facebook friends do you have? 500? Now how many of those people are truly your friends? I mean the kind of friend who will drop everything to come help you when your car breaks down. How often do you actually put your technology away and enjoy life?

We are all guilty of these things at some point. My point of this post isn't to make you feel bad but to call attention to the fact that technology has taken over our lives. 

It has weakened the meaning of a friend. At one point a friend was someone you trusted and cared about and they felt the same about you. It was someone who wanted the best for you and would help you when needed and you would do the same for them.Now a friend is anyone you've added on Facebook, even if you've never sat face to face and talked to this person. Because of all the "social" media we have forgotten the true meaning of friendship and let's be honest we do not have as many quality friends because of it.

Our families suffer, how often have you sat down to eat dinner with your spouse and kids but you weren't really there because you were to distracted by a message or post? Now we think posting photos of our kids on Facebook shows our love for them, it doesn't. Our children don't care if we take a thousand photos and post them our children crave love, affection and attention. They want us to get down in the floor and play with them and just enjoy their company.

Now last but certainly not least, the spouse. How many times have you went to bed with your spouse and instead of talking and cuddling you were scrolling through Facebook? We ignore someone who loves us and cares about us to watch people post mainly unimportant things on the Internet. When did we become so unsocial that we would rather scroll through and see what people had for dinner than to actually talk to our loved ones? 

Everyone complains now about the state the worlds in and how kids are acting now but they don't put their phones down to correct it instead they post a status! Yes there are plenty of other things in our world that affect our families but it's time to admit technology is one of them. Technology has caused us to emotionally neglect our loved ones. It has also created a society that complains about everything in a status but is to lazy to get off their butts and do anything about it.

I challenge myself and you to get up put the phones and computers down and do something. Be productive, talk to your husband ,play with your kids, help someone, go sit down to lunch with a friend and talk. Anything don't sit back and watch life from a tiny screen you have a whole world to explore!

What if the plans you have for your life do not go as planned?

Chances are you have plans for your future, we all think we know what we want at some point. Some people have every step of their life planned out from high school on, others have plans for their marriage, job, or retirement. Often in life what we have planned for our lives doesn't play out how we imagined it would. 

So what do you do when your plans get completely thrown out of whack? It could an unexpected pregnancy, job loss, loss of a family member, or anything else that interrupts your plan. 

What do you do? It's so easy to panic and get stressed out or even give up, and you can some but you have to keep going and adapt. The "how" is the big question.

 When your at your low point asking "why me?" "how do I go on?" , that's when you have the opportunity to be great! Yes I know it sounds insane when you are struggling to make it day to day

When you look around at all the people who seem to have it together and are comparing yourself to them it may seem like your the only one falling apart. Well I have a secret for you they don't have it all together either, everyone's  life has issues some are just better at hiding it than others. Your not crazy for wanting to hide we all do at some point. At this point you have an opportunity to show the world what your made of! 

You can adapt and you can succeed ! No it is not easy and it will not happen overnight but If you wake up everyday telling yourself you will fail you will. 

Most of the battle in our lives is overcoming our own doubts and fears. To often we are afraid of our own failure, but what does failure mean? Failure means you tried and that you've learned, became stronger, and next time you will be better prepared. The only time you truly fail is when you quit or don't attempt to try. You can come out of this stronger, braver and full of life if you choose to.

 So today I challenge you to do something you've been wanting to do but fear has held you back. 

A word most wives despise.... Homewrecker

Most of you think of a Homewrecker as someone who swoops in and steals your husband, right? Well I have a little bit of a different definition. Yes there are women who break up marriages just to see if they can these are most certainly homewreckers (that's the nice name), but I think some women get put into this category when they may not deserve it. Some women get caught up in an affair with a married man not knowing he is married, some feel sorry for the man because he has given her some sad story. These women are at fault to but to often they get all the blame. No I am not defending them they are in the wrong! It is never ok to sleep with or have an emotional affair with a man in a relationship especially a married man.

What I am saying though is why do they get all the blame? We can absolutely hate these women that we've never even met but still live with the man who is just as much or more to blame. 

In most cases these women did not force the man, she may have made herself available but he had the option to say no. She is being disrespectful to your marriage by tempting him and showing a lack of respect for herself but she is not the problem he is. 

Yes he is the one to blame.  He may not have to put forth much or any effort to get her but it is still his fault. He was the one who knew his responsibilities and knew what he had to lose and did it. He knew how to say no. 

So why do these women get all the blame? Yes they should have stayed away and respected the marriage but is it their responsability to guard your marriage? No it's your spouses, if your spouse strays it is no ones fault but theirs. 

I'm not saying you can't work through it but to work through it you have to know who is at fault. Sure your spouse may be glad to let you hate someone else for their mistake they may even tell you it's the woman's fault. They may even try to place the blame one you, because you did or didn't do something even though they should have came to you and tried to work it out.

To move past this both spouses have to realize who's to blame. You can not move past something until you admit it to yourself and as a spouse you can't truly forgive your husband if he can not admit he has screwed up. 

In all honesty we should feel sorry for the homewreckers. Think about how bad you would have to feel about yourself to lower your morals like that. Yes we want to hate them but if they are that low in their life don't bother they already hate themselves enough and if they don't now they will. They have to live with it the rest of their lives and will have to answer for it. They have to imagine their kids finding out later or even their parents.  Don't hate them, pray for them as hard as it is because they need it. I could not imagine being at such a low point in my life that I would settle for being they other woman so yes I feel sorry for these women.

What your spouse feels after you break their trust...

If you've broken your spouses trust you may not know how deep that wound is. Yes, it may have been something big like an affair or it may have been what you thought was a little lie, but either way you have deeply hurt your spouse. 

When trust is broken it breaks a part of your spouse to, it causes them more stress than you think and to doubt you even when they don't want to. Believe it or not if they are trying to work through it with you then they want to trust you. It's not easy on either spouse, the spouse who lost trust is emotional and constantly worried while the other is stressed and probably aggervated because they feel like they are constantly being doubted (which is probably true). 

From personal experience I know what it's like to lose trust for your spouse. It can make you worry and stress so much that you are physically sick, your constantly questioning everything and wanting to ask a million questions. I wanted a complete play by play of everything my husband had done when I wasn't around and when I didn't get it I would start worrying even more thinking he was hiding something. The smallest change of story made me think he was hiding something huge. 

If you have broken trust between your spouse and yourself you are going to have to be very understanding, because they have just been hurt by someone they love more than they ever thought they could. It will take time to forgive you and start to work through it and even longer to build the trust. Be prepared, it could take weeks,months, or even a year or two. Yes they will forgive you but they will never forget. 

Am I saying it's easy on you no. It is going to be a ruff spot in your relationship but you can come out even stronger. 

Ever thought you were completely failing at this parent thing?

Yep at some point we all do something and think "I'm the worst parent ever" let's be honest we do it more than we care to admit. I know I do! 

Are you really a bad parent when you get frustrated because you have said the same thing 10 times and the kids (or as I like to call them minions) haven't listened? No your not. Being a parent is an amazing blessing and we all know this but we can't help it sometimes we think our head may just explode. Sometimes I'd like to throw myself in the floor and spin around on my head like the kids do and pitch an epic fit. It's like I'm battling with a mini me 24/7. They are so headstrong and stubborn and I don't want them to lose that, I just wish they wouldn't use it on me!

Tons of people will give you advice on how to handle this and how to raise your kids (most won't have children and have no idea of what it's really like) yes they are trying to help. It's also not completley unreasonable to want to roll your eyes at them or maybe cram a sock in their mouth, just don't actually do it. I'm not going to give you advice on how to raise your kids because every child and every parent is different. What I am going to do is tell you your not alone . 

 It's true as a mother I think I have completely failed atleast once a week maybe even once a day! I'm beginning to realize it's common for parents to do this.  Our society has put so many do's and don'ts on parenthood who knows which way is up? One day you hear if you formula feed your a bad mother, the next you hear that saying "no" is to harsh then, you hear if you breastfeed to long your a bad mother and you should be stricter on your kids.

When does it stop!? 

Honestly it probably won't, if you are doing your best and keeping your kids healthy, safe,clean and fed your doing great!  Yes we should always strive to be better and we do but we have to accept we are not perfect and never will be. Do your best and don't listen to what society thinks you should do, I mean look at the state it's in! 

Be the best mom or dad you can be and love your children with all your heart and you will do fine. It's ok to get stressed and need a break, if you need a break take it. 

Ps next time you think your a weird parent think of this. Angelina Jolie keeps all her kids used bandaids in a jar. 

Understanding a stay at home spouse

Are you trying to understand your stay at home spouse? I am a stahm and let me me tell you I love it! It is also the most difficult "job" I have ever had but it is worth it. 

Being at home all the time with little adult time can get very lonely and stressful. Sometimes I just want someone to talk to but, most people are at work. I miss adult interaction and everyday chit chat you have at a public job, I feel so isolated. 

It definitely causes friction in marriage when one spouse is with kids 24/7 and one gets to go to work and see adults and chit chat and have that independence. Yes I admit I get jealous because my husband gets to go to work. Most spouses don't realize that the spouse staying home doesn't get a break ever and we do sometimes feel like we are no longer independent and have lost our freedom. 

When we chose to stay at home we also chose to become fully financially dependent on the other spouse which can cause us to feel like we aren't as productive in the marriage. This doesn't mean we don't enjoy the time we have with the kids or regret our decision, it just means we need a little reassurance that our spouses view us as a partner and equal even though we may not be the bread winner.

 One of the biggest things working spouses do to hurt a stay at home parent is the "well I work" response to anything. Yes you work and bring home a paycheck while the stay at home spouse also works at home. We do not sit around drinking lattes and painting our toes all day. Being a stahm is the hardest job I have had, there are no breaks or a lunch hour ( we are lucky to use the bathroom alone).

My husband comes home tired from work and I always ask how was your day (see I'm wanting to hear about any adult life) usually all I get is "ok" and he always asks "what'd you do today?" My answer is always "cleaned and watched kids " when in reality I've done so much more that seems to go unnoticed.

For example today as a stahm I have washed 3 loads of clothes, cooked all the meals which caused two loads of dishes,changed diapers, unclogged the toilet atleast twice (I still have no clue what they flushed), have been an on call milk machine, refereed fights, cleaned up just about anything liquid that could be spilled (yep that includes when one peed in the floor), scrubbed my favorite make up off the white wall, went to the grocery store ( try taking an octopus through the cereal isle), I attempted to clean the kitchen while they destroyed the living room, then I tried to clean the living room but it's all back in the floor now, I sat down maybe twice and both times were attacked by little ninjas of death, I picked up the garbage that was knocked over, clean some already chewed food off the carpet,ran around gathering all the cold food the littlest drug out of the fridge (maybe I got it all) ,one fell, one wanted their nails painted, none of them wanted to sleep,  I drank more coffee than I should, nope i didn't shower sorry honey but no time. So when you come home it may not look that different but I assure you I have worked my butt off (mainly with only one available arm) and I'm just happy we all made it through another day!

I say all this and you may think I'm complaining but I'm not I do love staying home with my children (even though I also plan ways to escape ;) ) if you ever think staying at home is easy or a break from work your spouse would love it if you stayed home with the kids all day. We need breaks to. 

Do I expect an award nope all I want is a little understanding when you think I'm acting crazy or I'm to stressed. Don't forget when your the working spouse your probably the only adult interaction the stay at home spouse gets most days and they are going to want to talk. 

We know you work hard and we are not trying to down play that. We just want understanding. When you ask " why didn't you clean that?" Truth is we probably already have a couple of times. 

We love our kids and wouldn't trade our time with them but it is stressful.

It's also the most rewarding job possible!

Should a job come before your marriage?

Let's say you have a good job, it pays better than most, the hours aren't to bad but it's affecting your marriage. 

Ok first, ask your spouse why they are uncomfortable with your job. Can you change the reasons your spouse is feeling neglected or uncomfortable? Maybe talk more or work less hours. 

If the problem is bigger like an affair with a coworker or something similar and your spouse can not be comfortable with you working at your current job what do you do? If it's an affair or something similar and your spouse can not tolerate you working with them switch positions, work a different shift, if you can not do these maybe you should look into another job opportunity. Your spouse should always come before your job or money. Yes you worry about taking a pay cut maybe you have a family to feed. It is better to take a pay cut and keep your family together than to feed your kids with a child support check or alone. 

Money is a need yes but many of us put it before our spouses. Sure we all have things we want and want to save for but if you love someone you will never be able to replace them with shiney new toys or money. Money will mean nothing on your deathbed but having someone their to hold your hand will.